Some Books I Recommend
A common question I get asked is for book recommendations. So here we go!
Emotion Regulation
The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook - McKay, Wood, Brantley
If you have BIG, STRONG emotions AND like having structure and homework and things to write about and practice, this book is for you! Tons of ideas on different ways to learn about your emotions and how to better manage them and make more positive choices in your life, based on a ton of research.
The Illustrated Happiness Trap - Russ Harris
I prefer the illustrated version to the actual book, haha. I think it's more clear and succinct, and communicates the themes effectively. This book has a bunch of different ways to help manage unhelpful thoughts and accept difficult emotions.
The New Happiness: Practices for Spiritual Growth and Living with Intention - Matthew McKay
If you are a spiritual person, or want to be incorporate more spirituality into your day to day life and mental health self care, this is a wonderful book to get you started with plenty of ideas and exercises.
Inner Child Work
Inner Bonding - Margaret Paul
Although I don’t think the goal of mental health is to be a completely independent island of a human, if you find it very hard to feel happy and fulfilled on your own—and your relationship to yourself is harsh or punishing—this is an awesome book to use to get curious and specific about how and why you treat yourself the way you do and how to start repairing.
Homecoming - John Bradshaw
My long time therapist recommended this book early on in our work together and said “it’s fine if this book takes you a couple weeks, a couple months, or ten years. Any amount of it you decide to do will be helpful to you.” This book will help you to go back and reconstruct what growing up was like for you and what messages you may have internalized in each period of your life, from early childhood to early adulthood, and has journals and exercises to help you heal the pain that occurred.
Trauma
Childhood Disrupted - Donna Jackson Nakazawa
If you’re curious to learn about how experiences of childhood trauma can impact you as an adult physically and mentally, and to broaden your definition of what trauma even is, this is a fascinating read.
Trauma and Recovery - Judith Herman
This is an oldie, but a goodie. It can be a little dense and heady at times, but I have not seen the experience of trauma and abuse better described in any text ever. This book can be so helpful and normalizing for anyone who is a survivor for abuse or assault and wondering why sometimes it seems they feel like the bad guy when all is said and done. It also explains how our idea of trauma has changed over the years, and some ideas for how to treat it.
How to Do the Work - Nicole La Pera
This author has a popular social media presence and can be divisive. I certainly don’t think that everything she says has merit, but this book is a good introduction to how we get stuck and different ways we can work to get unstuck.
On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous - Ocean Vuong
Not a therapy book, it’s a novel, but one of the most beautiful and heart-rending portrayals of trauma and human relationships I have ever read. If you need a good cry, check it out.
Romantic Relationships
Getting the Love You Want - Harville Hendrix and Receiving Love: Transform Your Relationship by Letting Yourself Be Loved - Harville Hendrix
These books combine a relational, psychodynamic understanding of our minds and hearts with couples therapy. They will help you not only with the relationship you are in with others, but perhaps more importantly, to better understand yourself.
Hold me Tight - Sue Johnson
Perhaps the second most researched form of couples therapy, Emotionally Focused Therapy, was developed by Sue Johnson. This is the book she wrote for couples to encourage deep, vulnerable conversations with one another.
Polysecure - Jessica Fern
This is definitely the best book I’ve read describing how to navigate poly or open relationships. It’s also probably one of the best explanations of attachment styles, what they look like, and how to work towards creating and maintaining secure connections with your loved ones. Even if you have no interest in non-monogamy, the ideas in this book are still incredibly important.
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work - Gottman
Right up there with Emotionally Focused Therapy, anything Gottman related has been studied for decades and comes highly recommended. This book is for couples who want skills, homework, and ideas for conversations. It has a bunch of things to try to improve the quality of your connection.
State of Affairs - Esther Perel
If you are struggling with infidelity in a current relationship, or reeling from the aftermath of a previous relationship, this book is a fascinating look at how intricate and deep infidelity can be, some reasons why it keeps happening, and how to move through it as an individual or in a relationship.
Sex
The Erotic Mind - Jack Morin
If you are curious about sexuality and sensuality and eroticism, or feeling blocked in these areas, I highly recommend this book. Even if you only do a chapter every month or so, it will push you to put words to your erotic experiences in a way we are not usually encouraged to, and help you blossom and bloom your fantasy life and sexual life with others.
Sex at Dawn - Christopher Ryan
If you have any curiosity about non-monogamy, this is a fascinating read looking at the possible evolutionary biological and anthropological origins of sex in humans as a species. The authors posit that the norm for millions of years has been non-monogamy and monogamy only came along relatively recently, which could help to explain the high adultery rate and constant conflict around monogamy in modern relationships.
Mating in Captivity - Esther Perel
Another book about what contributes to making monogamy so difficult and how to work around and within it to make it better for everyone evolved.
The Art of Giving and Receiving - Betty Martin
This book does a very simple thing: it expands pleasure from just a thing that is done to you by someone else, to another axis: the things I do to you that give me pleasure. This opens up more options for physical expressions of pleasure, and the book has multiple, stepped exercises to help you slowly unlock pleasure in you and your sexual partners so you can discover it all anew.
Recovering from a Hard Breakup
The Journey from Abandonment to Healing - Susan Anderson
If you have been through a hard breakup and need a book to help you move through it, I highly recommend this book. Lot’s of wonderful ideas and helpful exercises and journalling prompts to figure out why you feel so hung up on that person, and how to gently rebalance your life and move through it.
Buddhism/Mindfulness
When Things Fall Apart - Pema Chodron
One of the most helpful books I have ever read for understanding grief, loss, and uncontrollable change in our lives. You only need to read a few pages at a time to have your mind blown over and over again, and gain deeper wisdom and compassion for yourself and others going through loss.
Radical Acceptance - Tara Brach
If you want a nice introduction to mindfulness and Buddhism, with self compassion thrown in, I really like Tara Brach. She also has a podcast that is phenomenal and always helps me feel more balanced and grounded.
Training in Compassion - Zoketsu Norman Fishcer
An in depth introduction to the concepts of Buddhism with multiple opportunities and ideas for what to meditate on and learn about within yourself.
General Growth
Rising Strong - Brene Brown
Although at times a controversial public figure, her writing about what it’s like to be human is often spot on. There’s so much good stuff in this book about self-compassion, shame, vulnerability, what happens when we go through a hard time in life, how to move through it, etc. Life is full of setbacks and times when we are forced to stagnate or grow. This book makes it very clear what steps are required to push through and become a stronger version of yourself.
Depression
Lost Connections - Johann Hari
Although I believe there is definitely a biological component to depression—and medications are definitely helpful for lots of folks—this book does a very good job looking at the social contributors to depression and how disconnected we have become as a society from ourselves, one another, meaningful work, spirituality, creativity, and more.
Substance Use/Addictive Behaviors
Chasing the Scream - Johann Hari
An alternative look at the war on drugs, addiction, and the different treatment approaches we take to addiction as a society and as individuals.
The Addiction Recovery Skills Workbook - Glasner-Edwards
If you’re looking for a clear, easy to read workbook with lots of different ideas and exercises and skills for how to better manage your addictions, look no further.
